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| The Scandalion November 4, 2017 Reported by Jaguar (Koala will return from his nap shortly to take back his position as Animal Farm H.Q. journalist.) |
ANIMAL FARM H.Q., WASHINGTON D.C. - Anyone fancy a scandal? Well, look no further—there's one right here, in Animal Farm America. Bob Mule, the head of the investigation into President Rump's possible collusion crisis with the hacker group, Animals Anonymous, has emerged out of a seemingly low status investigation with a scandalous claim—Scarface Manefort conducted underhand deals in order to contribute to President Rump's election. Manefort, a dignified lion with a glorious mane of rich sheen, has denied these claims and has plead not guilty. But Manefort, being such a dignified lion, could not keep a straight, guiltless face while saying this, and sources say that he is up for a court trial very soon. And on the courts, animals are expecting lots.
Dubbed the "Scandalion," Manefort has received much hate over social media. On the social networking platform KiwiChat, animals have been calling out Manefort as a "liar" and as a "lion whose pants are on fire." In particular, renowned circus celebrity, Jimmy the John, has commented that "Manefort deserves a nice shave down his mane...we'll see him in prison."
However, a conservative group of re-Puglicans have voiced their issues with Bob Mule's clandestine operations and his "biased" perspective. The re-Puglicans claim that Bob Mule did some sort of deal with a turkey, and thus he is unqualified to lead this investigation. Instead, the re-Puglican party leader, Cocknell the Cock (as in chicken), has proposed a resolution to remove Bob Mule from power, as well as a new candidate for the Animals Anonymous collusion crisis investigation—a certain "Mortimer Smith" whom no one has heard of. When we looked into Mortimer Smith's background information, all we could find was his/her KiwiChat address. When we contacted him/her, the only reply we received was, "Would you like to see my pog collection?"
Demo-crickets, which are crickets that demonstrate their power by chirping in perfect harmony, have voiced the thoughts of the average animal citizen as they tune into this news: "This is even fishier than that fish scandal down in the Bermuda."
