Have You Seen this Karp?

(Above: Have you seen this karp?)
February 12, 2017
Reported by Panda

THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE - The Karpdashians recently went on a marine trip to the Bermuda Triangle, which sparked further outrage in the feud between the fishes and the blue whales. The Karpdashians, considered fish with very big tails, were seen as a taunt by the blue whales, and the blue whales retaliated by capturing Kimmy Karpdashian to hold for ransom.

"I don't know what to do without her," said Kimmy's mate, KanKan East, nonchalantly. "What do I do without her?"

However, other fishes are proving very resilient to this ransom. General Sharky Shark of the Freedom Fishes says, "No, of course we are not going to accept this ransom. She will not be missed anyway."

In addition, the media has been erupting with #FreeKimmy hashtags, with KiwiChat's platform getting a 22% increase in activity for the first time since 2001.

"We can't let this idol just die off," says one tearful fan. "What else do we live for?"