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| March 20, 2017 Written by Koala |
ANIMAL FARM HQ, WASHINGTON D.C. - It's a sour day here in Washington D.C. as the new healthcare plan for animals, dubbed ElephantCare™ by President Rump, is released. The new plan, which is replacing the old HippoCare plan, is accused to reducing healthcare to the top 20% of animals while gaining personal profits every time the word ElephantCare™ is used. There have been rumors that President Rump has patented and trademarked this plan as his own, but no confirmed reports have been released yet.
Animal Farm spoke to Tiki Tofu, a Japanese whale and also an economic analyst. Tofu explained the inflation of healthcare and the deflation of the poor through this plan.
"President Rump's plan is pure genius," Tofu says. "It makes profits for the government without raising taxes, and through depopulation of the poor, less funds are needed for the public and service sectors, effectively saving the nation billions of pesos. With this new plan (which I will not name) in place, President Rump is saving this nation. Make Animal Farm great again!"
However, many animals are against ElephantCare™, claiming it to be an unfair and discriminatory plan.
"My calf was shot by those no-good human hunters today," a livid giraffe mother in Alabama says. "I took him to the hospital for some medicine but they denied him, saying that he's 'too brown' for treatment. What in the name of tarnation is that supposed to mean? God almighty and sweet baby Beejesus help us, because this nation is going downhill all the d*mn way to h*ll!"
Many citizens are expressively voicing their support against ElephantCare™, and while President Rump himself hasn't spoken to the press yet, Animal Farm HQ sent out press secretary Timothy Saurus Rex to quell with protesters.
"ElephantCare™, once integrated into America's crucial social security, will prove itself worthy of civilian taxes and will effectively prove an ultimatum in this long-standing economy established by our founding fathers, George Whaleshington and Benjamin Ferretkin," Rex told the press. "Now, you wouldn't want to go against our foundin' fathers' wishes, do you?"
Protesters were effectively quelled by Rex, stating that they did not want to go against the founding fathers' wishes.
While economic analysts are revering the plan, protests are still erupting throughout the nation, and even Rex's smooth words cannot stop the tension that is building up here in Animal Farm America.
