Mari"time" for Some Change

(Above: Freedom fish disguises itself as a shark to scare off the whales)
February 12, 2017
Reported by Koala

THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE - The fishes of the Bermuda Triangle have been successfully allied with the whales for the past two decades to fend off invaders. However, in the past few weeks, an anarchist group of fishes who call themselves “Freedom Fishes” have disrupted this peace, killing at least 3 entire blue whales in secret. This has caused civil war in the Bermuda Triangle, which would be detrimental to the maritime economy of the Atlantic Ocean.

“We can’t have those godd*mn fishes wasting our pesos like that,” says Military Commander Immanuel M. Fishy of Atlantis. “The pesos are inflated enough as it is, but this civil war? It’s ridiculous!”

The head of Animal Farm United, Karpy K. Kohort, said that this was not something the animal nations should concern themselves with.

“We have bigger problems to worry about that affect this entire world,” Kohort said in a press conference in Berlin. “Global warming, the extinction of the Serbian tigers - these are all matters that affect this world. This tiny dispute in the Bermuda Triangle is no concern to us and we should instead invest more time on the matters of interest.”

The maritime industry of the Atlantic Ocean have reported that their quarterly stocks have decreased 4.1% since the inception of this dispute.